First date tonight.
I am more nervous about it going well than going badly. If it goes too well then it’s a massive letdown for everyone concerned (except, you know, the person I’m dating but since when did their feelings come in to any of this?).
I’ll be writing the first date report tomorrow, so keep your eyes peeled.
Oh and this one is beautifully set up for a classic internet dating fall. She seems like the kind of person I would actually like to date. Which means she will probably be a pig-limbed horse frightener with electronic parts.
And so the usual fears come a-creepin’. There’s nothing like a date to make you completely reevaluate your life. Suddenly my clothes seem shit. The fact that I dress like an 8 year old boy doesn’t usually bother me but how will this attire convince my prospective loves that I am a suave, sophisticated man about town? So, the question is, do I dress to impress? Or be myself? Or do I find some kind of uneasy middle ground that will please no one? Yep, probably that one. Crap, I have to do some ironing. OH BALLS, I don’t even have any clean clothes. Oh this is going to be a bloody shambles.
Another problem is how to behave. Women want a gentleman who will treat them like a princess. No they don’t, they want someone sensitive who’ll treat them as an equal. Ah no hold on, they want someone who’ll be a real man and tell them what’s what. Baffling. It’s almost as if women are all individual beings with unique thoughts, feelings and desires. I know! Mental. Anyway, the point is, WOMEN, if you go on a date with a man and he simultaneously holds a door open for you then slams it in your face or pulls out the chair for you to sit down but then whips it away and forces your arse to connect heavily with the stone floor, then you only have yourselves to blame. HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW CONFUSED WE ARE? At least we men have the decency to be utterly one-dimensional and predictable. Make a decision about what you want, get Huw Edwards to announce it on the news and then we’ll take it from there.
Right now there is only one certainty as I waste time writing this blog and actively avoid getting ready for the date - the one thing women certainly don’t want on a date, is me.
Wish me luck. Lord knows I need it.
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GOOD LUCK!! Ah, I'm late. I look forward to reading about how the date went! I'd say I hope it went well, but really from my point of view that would be less entertaining. I just hope it wasn't the garden gnome!
ReplyDeleteSadly for you us girls are all bonkers, that said I'm hoping that the lady in question is suitably normal. Of course we are all following this in the hope that she won't be so that we can all have a good laugh at someone elses expense.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, we girls are mad and you boys are one-dimentional but the one thing we all have in common is that we are all sadistic bastards who are just itching to see cupid fire his little arrows and miss with hilarious consequences